Wednesday, January 2, 2013
A Letter to my relatives
Letter to my cousins dated 12/8/2001
My, son, my beautiful son so full of light - so bright is diagnosed with juvenile onset bipolar disorder.
For the past seven years I have been blamed for his out-of-control behavior.
Constantly told I am a bad Mother because I did not parent him correctly and if I had he would not behave as he does.
"My Father disowns me", as told by my Mother's nephew, although my Dad never voiced those words to me. My cousin and his wife state to me that they,"Can't do anything for me. I have to deal with my own problems". These two are my closest living relatives next to my parents.
My cousin witnessed first hand my son's daily episodes that pushed everyone's buttons the summer of 1998.
The trip to Florida for my Mother's 80th birthday was very stressful not the fun family time I had anticipated. My cousin brought along his "clan", wife, two married daughters, their husbands and kids
(except one of the daughters left their youngest son at home as he was too much trouble and hard to handle). If they were expecting me to do the same Guess what? I never had anyone I could trust with whom I could leave my son.
The photograph I made poolside of the family reunion says it all in my son's face.
Misunderstood, feeling easily criticized and rejected while his BP Dad laughs in the background. My heart breaks every time I see it.
The pain in my son's face forever haunting me.
Those not affected by BP in their lives are not aware of how a Bipolar person's brain is chemically imbalanced. Stressful situations automatically trigger or kindle negative responses. Social cues are misunderstood. In Pediatric BP symptoms of aggression, anxiety, poor self-esteem, psychosis, obsessions, harm to self and others and sleep/body temp regulation can cycle rapidly throughout the waking hours.
I used to feel compelled to apologize to anyone we came into contact with whom my son offended. I now feel they need to apologize to me and if you are reading this you know who you are. I am truly sorry for you because you never experienced my son's true essence. You chose to turn away. Sadly, if my son was diagnosed with what we call a "terminal illness" compassion would be replaced with judgement.